Solo

Oct. 14th, 2017 03:01 am
pinesandmaples: A picture of freckles, in the shape of a heart.  (love: freckles)
[personal profile] pinesandmaples
At 32, there are all of these things I know to be true about myself bubbling up that just make so much sense. They are so congruent with the core of how I know myself to be. They align with the vision of my future that I had at 15-16-17, and they are so very right.

But all of these wee truths are socially opposite and counterintuitive to the norms that we hold dear in this world. Things like wanting separate bedrooms when I live with a lover (but being very okay with sharing beds) or living in a house that allows for lots of social contact instead of leaving my house to find it.

I find myself enjoying my own company more and more as long as I can also step into social situations when I need the warm embrace of known company. But I also like walking into a large event by myself. Just me. Only me.

There is a sense of completeness that I am enjoying these days. All of these smaller actions are me, being complete and whole as myself. The smaller completenesses allow me to be in relationships, in friendships, in community.

Everyone says that your 30s is a time of revelation and wholeness, but I didn't believe it. I am so glad to be here, now. (I'm also astoundingly grateful I am not here with children. I cannot imagine how different the world would be if I were doing this journey of discovery as a parent instead of as a single person, building a better me. Hashtag selfish.)

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